i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
