i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He called his prostate his "boner button".
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize