I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
