im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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