I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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