the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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