i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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