Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
