You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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