escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
50% drunk capacity currently
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
