trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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