I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
