My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
