Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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