And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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