mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think your dad took our porno
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
