I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
