Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
