Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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