Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
