Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
