Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
