dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
