Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
