He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Shame - the story of my life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
