Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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