i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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