Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
