what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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