Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
