I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Come on in and take your pants off
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
