I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
