My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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