I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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