someone get that fucking seahorse.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well I just put wine in my tea
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
