I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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