I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
