i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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