did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
