I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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