I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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