I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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