dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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