I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
