My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
