What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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