she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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