I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
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