Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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