Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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