But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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