i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
