I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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