His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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