im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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