and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
