he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
