I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
