did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
