i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
