The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
