Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
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Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
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Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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