Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
