I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
