so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
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She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
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If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
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