just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My ass is underappreciated
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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