I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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