You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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