a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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