Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
